An embarrassing example of the apps versus my brain

I'm draining my creativity and I need to take it back

I don’t know if it’s my addictive brain, ADHD, sometimes crippling self-doubt, or the power of the apps, but I fell in a creative hole this week.

Rather, I noticed how much focus I’d put on showing up on LinkedIn, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook instead of writing the e-book inside of me. I have a love-hate relationship with social media. So when I say ‘focus,’ I mean a little action and a whole heap of mental energy trying to manage my mind around what I post, how they’re received, and how long I spend flooping around scrolling.

You heard right. I’ve simultaneously attempted to spread my new project, REAL HAPPY, across five platforms (including here). For a girl with a social media problem, that’s like a gambler sitting in the bookies watching everyone else place bets. It’s yuck.

For most people, writing one article a week and spreading elements across platforms is a smart repurposing strategy, so it shouldn’t be an issue, right?

The seasoned marketers on LinkedIn say.

‘Create a week’s content in 1 hour on a Sunday’ or ‘Smash out a month’s content in 3 hours on Monday night. Done.’

That’s not my experience. (Most of the time) because I don’t stick to self-determined schedules. I can only do that when it’s someone else’s deadline. Then, I’m a gun! Aussie slang for a person who gets shit done.

I’m researching as I go, so I’m not always sure what I want to say. Churning out a month isn’t an option. My project is an evolution.

At the same time, I want to ‘get out there’ to help people. I want to put my personality into the world so people can see how I’ll make this ‘getting off screens’ business palatable—more than palatable, relatable, and fun.

So, now I’m stretched across mediums, my head is full of ideas, too many to do anything with, and I’ve the analysis-paralysis wall. What’s great content? What are other people doing? What can I say as a teacher? What’s going over the line? What’s that teacher doing on Insta? Oooo, he’s fabulous. I’ll do something similar. Oh, only two people liked my last video. What’s the fricking point?

Cue some good old completely useless ‘compare and despair’, and my content schedule is empty, I feel like I’ve failed, and I wish I hadn’t opened my trap and started something new. AGAIN.

And breathe.

My friend asked me some tough questions

I picked George up from Karen, my generous friend who shares her dog with me, and we had a cup of Yorkshire tea with her divine just-out-of-the-oven cherry-ripe brownies. (We’ve been in this sharing-is-caring dog friendship for years.)

She’s a talented professional artist. She reminded me how much our creative process needs honouring. It needs breathing space, sacred space, and often privacy. Putting myself under pressure and distraction isn’t useful or helpful to my muse. Getting caught up in marketing and ‘audience-building’ is counterintuitive to most creative types.

She talked to me about going within, reengaging with inspiration, teasing it out, and then sharing it with the world when I’m good and ready.

She warned me that the book might never see the light of day if I got bogged down in ‘the business of it’. Artists can lose motivation if they talk about the process and outcome too much.

They were all gentle suggestions.

Then she asked me,

“Why do you need to talk about it before it’s done? What do you need from social media?”

It was tough to answer.

It stemmed from writing live on Substack because it’s a platform about writing. I hope to build community and support for the process. That is genuine, where it began, and I stand by that.

But when I think about all the other platforms, what’s that about? It’s the fear of missing out on an opportunity. I’ve been brainwashed by marketers telling me to show up constantly, add value, share from the get-go, build the audience, maximise, blah blah blah. Yes, they’re right. That can work. But only if it doesn’t kill the very thing that’s being created. Only if it doesn’t kill the spirit of the person making it.

I cannot trust myself to stay mentally fit and show up on social media every day.

So, I guess the answer to Karen is that I fear failure, of missing out, before I’ve really begun. I’m seeking validation and, essentially, a cheerleading squad, from a bunch of strangers telling me ‘well done, Suze, keep going. We like what you’re doing.’

And when the don’t, when it’s crickets on posts, I feel like shit.

PRECISELY WHY I’M WRITING A BOOK ABOUT HOW TO BE HEALTHY AND LIVE WITH SCREENS.

Because I’m a 47-year-old intelligent teacher who needs to bring the toolkit that has solved her other addictive patterns to her screen life.

The yellow coat + my awe generator George

I’m back to where I started

Today, I feel more grounded. I’ve been reminded of why I had this idea in the first place. To help myself and to support the parents, educators, and kids around me.

If I can improve my own habits…winning. If I can help more people…amazing.

I’ve got parents to call who’ve volunteered to be interviewed.

I’ve books to finish reading and notes to take.

I’ve got local Facebook groups to hit up to make local connections, and contacts for other people working in this space.

And most of all, I’ve got a book in my heart.

It was given to me. By my god/goddess/the Universe, whatever you call it.

It’s a simple step-by-step process based on the tools I used to kick unhealthy habits.

It’s spiritual in nature, practical in reality, and designed to be done in community—whether as a family, a group of friends or colleagues, or as a teacher with their class.

So, I need to dial the F back from social media and stop trying to build an audience for something I haven’t even bloody done yet!

I commit to showing up twice a week to write Substacks and twice a week to socials. That’s it. I’m locking them down otherwise.

Just in time for this reset, like the Universe knew what I needed (funny dat), I’m flying to Ningaloo Reef on Wednesday as part of my school’s Year 9 Explorer program. A teacher dropped out at the last minute. It means that I’ll be off-grid wilderness camping for 10 days.

I’m going to cherish it by being present, doing my rewarding day job, and allowing ideas to flow without the pressure of executing anything. I can’t. I won’t have tech or time. I have bought a couple of waterproof notebooks (a great idea from a fellow Substacker) and pens to capture what comes.

I realised that when I return, I need people to do the REAL HAPPY process with me as it unfolds. Everything I’ve done to shift my mind and behaviour that has stuck for almost 8 years and counting - giving up alcohol, overworking, overeating, and overshopping - has come through group support and spiritual practices.

And the last time I started a project to help people (kids in Cambodia), I had a team. It’s a lot easier to drive the momentum when there’s the energy of a co-founder, a group of staff, board members who come together sharing a vision, and 84 kids relying on you.

So, one of my best mates is already in. Are you? Do you want to feel better about your online life? If you do, ask me for more info and come along for the ride.

I want a healthier relationship with my phone. I want to build my self-validation muscle. I want to dip in and out when I feel, and quickly return to the world where I find awe and wonder in the everyday.

I’m at my best when out and about in my yellow fur coat, chatting to strangers. There’s a light in my eyes and a glow that draws people. I’m at my best with George singing random lyrics to made-up tunes: “Who’s the best boy in the world?” I’m at my best, belly laughing with my best mates on the couch.

That’s who I want to be.

For people like me, it takes work to keep the disturbances out, so that love and zest for life can show up. I could say it’s ‘embarrassing’ to have to manage the mind so much, but that’s just how I’m wired. And I know from talking about it openly, I am not alone.

If that sounds like you, I would love to hear from you.

That’s all, folks.

Over and out.

Love you.

Mwah. 💋

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If you’re interested in being on screens a little less and you’re particularly worried about the young people in your lives living a screen-based childhood instead of a play-based one, check out my new project…